A cab motors you down a tree-lined driveway and up to the door of the sprawling Ashcroft estate. The driveway is filled with luxury cars, and the grounds stretch off along the east side of the mansion. You notice stables and a hedge maze just north of the driveway.
"The Right Place" by Eddi Reader can be heard playing somewhere in the distance.
Stepping into the mansion, you find yourself in an ornate entry hall with a stairway leading up to the second floor. There is a closed door in the west wall and an open door across from it that apparently leads to a ballroom. Beyond the stairway, you see that the hall continues and opens into a long gallery lined with art. In the middle of the gallery, you see an old-fashioned, free-standing elevator.
Suddenly, you hear the roar of an engine and turn just in time to see a man driving into the mansion on a Harley. As he zooms past you and disappears into the ballroom, an ancient butler named Smythe appears out of nowhere, shaking his fist.
Smythe hurries into the ballroom, muttering darkly. Moments later, the motorcyclist reappears in the front hall, accompanied by a sexy young woman in a Catwoman costume.
Without his helmet, you recognize the motorcyclist as Icy Hot, the notorious rapper. You're pretty sure that the Catwoman on his arm is Chip's rebellious half-sister, Bernadette Wellman.
Icy looks you up and down with a lusty expression, then pulls out a pot pipe and says, "Hey, baby, the real party's upstairs, if you wanna come."
Deciding that, yes, you do want to come, you follow the fun-loving couple up the stairs.
"He's The Greatest Dancer" by Sister Sledge can be heard
playing in the ballroom as you reach the second floor.
Stretching away from the top of the stairs, you see a long, ornate hall, lined with doors. The glass doors on your immediate right (Door 5) seem to lead to a balcony overlooking the ballroom. North of the balcony door are two other doors on the east side of the hall (Doors 3 and 4) .
The door on your immediate left (Door 8) is hanging open, revealing a large bathroom. North of the bathroom door are three doors (Doors 9, 10 and 11) lining the west side of the hall. Directly in front of you, in the middle of the hall, is an elevator. Beyond that, at the far north end of the hall, you see two doors (Doors 1 and 2) and a laundry chute.
Behind you, the hall continues south for a few yards. South of the bathroom door, on the west side of the hall, are two more doors (Doors 6 and 7). A large window at the south end of the hall overlooks the driveway.
You follow Icy through Door 10, into Bernadette's bedroom, which has been transformed into a mini-opium den, complete with comfortable black furniture, red mood lights and an overwhelming scent of patchouli and incense.
Bernadette steps into the room behind you and closes the door, offering a wicked smile. She takes the pot pipe from Icy and sucks down a massive hit, then passes it to you.
Just then, you hear a scream and a loud crash from somewhere nearby.
"Wonderwall" by Oasis is blasting from the ballroom.
You step into the second floor hallway, but cannot determine which direction the crash came from. Icy Hot calls, "Yo! Wait up!" and follows you.
An Indian Chief appears at the top of the stairs, accompanied by a man dressed like a James Bond villain (Blofeld, to be precise), carrying a wheelchair and a white cat. He sets down the wheelchair and settles into it, surveying the scene as he strokes the pussy. Like the Indian Chief, you think Blofeld is one of Chip's friends from college.
Downstairs, you hear someone shout, "My God! Smythe! Are you all right?"
A woman dressed like a Fairie Queen emerges from a door in the north wall, by the laundry chute (Door 2) and says, "What was that?"
A Sheik emerges from a door on the west side of the hall (Door 7), three doors south of Bernadette's room. He is carrying a camera bag. A Sexy Vampire emerges from a door across from you on the east side of the hall (Door 4) and says, "Did somebody scream?"
Everyone stands looking at each other, then Bernadette stumbles out behind you and grabs Icy. She says, "Gimme another hit," and pulls him back into her room, slamming the door.
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